Archive for December, 2008
Ah, the smell of Cinnamon candle is everywhere, I’m hear Jingle Bells 5 times a day. Parents are frantically clawing at Wal-Mart shelves and standing for hours to get an iPod at an exciting $10 discount. We’re called by distant relatives we only talk with once a year. Families adorn their yards with plastic snowmen and crapola that would be acceptable only by Rednecks any other time of year.
….it all reminds me of thing, the Ulitmate Question: Will I get the pony I’ve been asking for since I was 5?
My “Christmas” brain says YAY, but my “Junk Activism” brain is very, very disappointed this year. Christmas protest news is so dry that I would trade that pony for something spectacular, like a thousand gay Santas marching on Washington, or PETA protesting turkey carving in Christmas Vacation by standing nude, in the snow, in Chevy Chase’s front lawn, or those Atheists with their boring sign getting run over by a bus filled with a church choir singing “Deck the Halls”.
I’ve been really busy with holiday-related things and gearing up for 2009. I know I suck with posting lately, it’s been a little sparce with all of the holiday goings-on.
I have however been reading the news, and while I cannot possibly write a full on smart ass perspective on everything that goes on in the world. Twitter makes me life much easier, and will help fill your itch for protest laughs & gaffs until after the holidays. I encourage you to visit the Junk Activism Twitter page!
Nude models in France are upset. I suppose I would be too if I were standing naked in the cold in front of a Government building. But I must say, nothing gets me more excited than a nude protest. If I had my way we’d all be naked, all the time. Clothes are for wusses.
But what is the reason that has sparked the protest? France, for some stupid reason, decided to ban tips for nude artists and models. Nude models now have the backing of two Unions supporting their fight for more money.
She said an average wage of 10 euros ($13) an hour for posing sessions that often lasted around three hours was inadequate. She added that models, classified officially as “special diverse personnel,” wanted clearer professional recognition.
“It is a profession, it’s tiring. Because it’s physical, you need a lot of endurance and it’s also expressive,” she said.
I mean, really France. Posing nude for $13 an hour is unacceptable wages for honest, hard work. Especially for something as taxing as nude modeling. Have you seen their resumes? They’re filled with all of the hard work these models put into their jobs – countless hours of standing, sitting, and putting clothes on and off.
France, you have always sucked and now you suck even worse. Let’s be logical and compare nude modeling to all of the super-easy, mindless and stress-free jobs that also pay up to $13 an hour. I believe these speak for themselves about how hard and taxing that nude modeling is:
1) Wal-Mart Customer Service Counter
2) UPS Truck Loader
4) McDonald’s Manager
5) Cable TV Guy
7) Grocery Store Bagger
8) Diner Waitress
So France, you mean to tell me that your models aren’t working hard enough to earn more than $13 an hour? We like naked people, they’re fun to look at. Give these models their tips!
This video of the Iraqi journalist throwing his shoes at Bush and calling him a dog has probably been seen by at least a billion people in the past 24 hour….. but for the sake of journalism with integrity, like JunkActivism.com, I must post it so I can squeeze one more laugh out of you.
The defining moment of the George W. Bush presidency in just 39 seconds:
Wow. I can hold by breath in the length of time it took to tarnish Bush’s final efforts to try to position something positive to be remembered by. I’m going to sit here with a bowl of popcorn, my favorite alcoholic beverage, and replay the best part of this for two hours.
Despite the woes of today: Bad economy, screwed up education system, healthcare system falling apart, corrupt politicians, corrupt bankers, corrupt CEOs, failing industry, endless Middle Eastern warfare, a missing Osama, trillions in debt, and a currency stretched so far that even the printing presses are on strike….
yet, I smile…
because it’s these little moments like this that can still make you smile…. and remember…. life IS good.
A few days ago I found the “Plane Stupid” site, which was the source of the recent London protest in which about 50 or so people broke into an airport, blocking a runway (which according to a Times Online article was closed for maintenance work) and disrupting air travel.
I took a minute to click through their Website, which attempts to express its agenda through a convoluted plethora of information with messages ranging from anti-airport, anti-elitism, and anti-climate change. It demonizes air travel and airport expansion as a leading cause of CO2 emissions, the mainstream belief for the cause of global warming. (Thank you Al Gore!). Oh, and destroying communities.
From their site article called “Why we Shut Stansted Airport“:
Monday’s action has shown the power of young people determined to turn the climate talk into climate action. We took the decision to disrupt the airport to directly reduce the CO2 impact of Stansted, as a response to the government’s consent to its expansion. We did so with heavy hearts, knowing it would disrupt passengers, because we knew the consequences of this action couldn’t be worse than the consequences of inaction. If irreversible climate change kicks in, millions of lives will be destroyed.
Time to Be Serious
My regular readers know that I’m not very serious, but I’m going to try for once this time (in my typical smart ass tone.)
I know civil disobedience is FUN. And I’m a big fan of your work. It gives me interesting things to write about and prod at. But you don’t address a problem by attacking its symptoms. If you’re truly serious about this, let’s set the record straight by outlining clearly what your real beef is (drum roll, please…):
POLLUTION AND MISMANAGEMENT OF RESOURCES
Climate change is a motivator. The concern is pollution and resource management. Yes, it is that simple, and even a 3 year old knows that pollution = BAD. All without touting a holier-than-though guilt-trip about causing the coming Apocalypse. All without worrying about the fact that there is no proof we can do anything about rising temperatures. To an outside observer, your message makes you look as ridiculous as any other “The End is Coming” ‘tards. So stop yelling pending doom because….
As a reminder, here’s a list of things that do not change the weather:
The Average Joe
What you want to stop is man-made pollution and inefficiency.
How to Fight Pollution and Airport Expansion with Logic and Reason
Instead of pulling immature stunts like breaking into airport runways, here are some good ideas for you to start with. Appeal to the reasonable nature of the civilized world – like more wealth, better health, safety, and innovation. Instead of inventing importance, just be important.
Promote and Invest in More Efficient Technology – High speed magnet trains, new rail infrastructure to support them, or even a hybrid airplane. Get a skilled engineering job instead of creating worthless protest art and painting banners to preach doom and gloom. Pump some funds into new tech so people won’t WANT to fly anymore. Make money in the process, and if you’re really serious, use it to fund your organization.
Run Grassroots Campaigns to the Public – If you truly believe it, then prove it. Demonstrate to people how to be more responsible. After all, airports only expand because of increased air travel in which we’re all responsible for. Explain to the public that they can get to where they’re going efficiently and more affordable by trains. Give them options by handing out train schedules. Start a new way to book tickets or a service that helps them plan their travels, save money, and pollute less.
Run a Campaign for the Airport, or Work for the Airport – Get involved with Zoning and Planning for your city or organization if this is important to you. Find ways to make air travel more efficient so there is no need to expand it. Help the airports manage flying schedules more effectively so they don’t need runways. Maybe it’s possible? Have you tried? Or are you just causing a disturbance?
Run for Public Office – If this is important to you, then get in a position where you can do something about it. I would question whether you’re intelligent enough to do so considering your approach to problems is irresponsible and juvenile, but you could at least give it a shot.
The overall point is this – if you’re broke, have no respect OR empowerment in the political/business structure, and possibly in prison, you’re useless. What will you do? Write letters? Produce a sensationalized documentary about polar bears and penguins? Keep your freedom, you’re more useful that way.
Fix your Damn Website
What the hell is the message? Airport expansion and air travel is bad? Let’s examine the your “10 points”:
1. “Aviation is Mostly Unnecessary” – Not for everyone. Aviation is still the fastest, most convenient means of travel. Prove me wrong if you disagree, but you obviously are not business people. People want to get there fast.
2. “Airports cause illegal levels of nitrous oxide pollution” – Pollution is the obvious problem here. Why not build safer, more efficient airplanes as a start?
3. “Airport expansion will destroy important heritage sites” – Lobby for more intelligent design of airport infrastructure and runways. Work for better management of airport resources. Are these people in these heritage sites concerned, or are they ready to take a check and leave? Ask them. Also of note: “Heritage Sites” usually have older infrastructure that is also not “green” and efficient.
4. “Aviation is the fastest growing cause of climate change” – The truth here is irrelevant – pollution is the cause, not aviation. And everyone agrees that pollution is bad.
5. ‘Cheap’ flights are for the priviledged – WTF is this anti-Elitist message doing here? Are you suggesting that flying is only for the rich? You do realize that half the airfare paid goes into taxes, right? You do also realize that cheaper airfare means more air travel too, right? Maybe you just needed another point for an even “10”. Your point here makes you look ridiculously naive to anyone with a high school education.
6. “Aviation’s contribution to the economy is massively overstated” – Tell that to Thailand, a country who just overthrew their entire government by blocking a major air travel hub in Bangkok. Thailand’s budding economy is run on tourism and trade and they lost between $50 million – $85 million per day. People get there by flying. “Massively overstated”, indeed.
7. “Airport Expansion is wiping established communities off the map” – Talk to these communities. If they’re that established, they’ll join your cause. In my city, everyone was drooling to take a fat check and head for the hills. This also has nothing to do with climate.
8. “Aviation creates massive noise pollution” – Well, yeah, of course it does. Everyone knows this. So do railways and rockets and concerts and protests. We like all of these things.
9. “Aviation diverts money from public services” – Wasting law enforcement time dragging your ass around also diverts money from public services. If you’re worried about tax breaks for air companies, that’s government policy. Take steps to change tax policy by supporting allies in government.
10. “Aviation expansion will destroy ancient forests and woodland” – You mean the woodland right next to the airport, where all the noise, pollution, and established communities are? Yes, it sounds like a great place for wildlife, camping and hiking.
Can someone tell me why our policy is to use Heavy Metal and Rap to break prisoners? Music is ENTERTAINMENT. We need something more psychological, that taps right into the root of complete mental breakdown. Not to mention the technology and creative thinking exists today. Let’s made the world a safer place together:
1) Get a collection of the finest minds on Madison Avenue. You know, the advertising execs who bullshit people into “relating personally” to some brand or product. If you have the minute brain activity required to see through the inherent bullshit of television advertising, you know what I’m talking about.
2) Give them the task of developing the best advertising with Muslim Extremists as their target audience. It must be catchy and irresistable, and it must be for some arbitrary consumer good. (It doesn’t really matter what it is.)
Of course, you tell them it’s also for kids, because there are a whole set of advertising assholes who make it their duty to write songs that convince kids to whine to their parents to buy them meaningless crap.
Within a week you’ll have the most annoying, addictive jingle the world has ever seen. Maybe it’s cruel and unusual for some, but I’ll guarantee this is how you break those bastards and make them talk.
If you’re questioning my reasoning, just imagine 5 hours of listening to the Meow Mix commercial. Then, you follow it up with 5 hours of the Mentos commercial….it’s the Freshmaker. If you’re really sadistic you’ll tack on another 5 hour after-dinner group presentation of the Oscar Meyer Weiner commercial at full volume.
Imagine the possibilities:
Interrogator: “Where are you hiding that nuke?”
Terrorist: “Meow meow, the Freshmaker! My first name is balogna….meow, meow… B-A-L-O-G-N-A… MEEEEEEEOOW!!!!!!!”
Interrogator: “Good, where is that nuke?”
Terrorist: “MEOW, BALONEY! It’s stuck in George Bush’s basement! MEOW!”
I dare you to take the Junk Activism Meow Mix Challenge. Can you sit through this 10 times? I dare you to try.