Junk Activism

Holy Jesus, those Atheists are at it again! I mean…. Holy Science…I mean, Secular Science, well, nevermind.

A New Jersey town council meeting with a 55 year old tradition of starting off with a recital of the Lord’s Prayer is now being protested by a dude who actually believes in something as wonderfully American as Separation of Church and State.   My biggest concern is why someone wants to go to a boring meeting to discuss the pink flamingos in someone’s yard or squirrels eating electric cables.

All Christians will tell you that we should ignore such a calling because the real Atheists agenda includes staying home on Sunday, being grumpy, and bitterly lashing out at children:

Rightfully so, they refuse to give up their ritual of reciting SOMETHING at the meetings:

While the Lord’s Prayer tradition has officially ended in Newton, the council has informally agreed to start reciting secular invocations prior to its meetings, said Unhoch, who was pleased that the tradition of a prayer of some sort will continue.

It should be more P.C….as they say.  Here’s my suggestion for the Town Hall of an Atheistic solution to their problem.

The Atheist’s Invocation (aka.. the euphemism for “Prayer”)

Our undisclosed superstition from somewhere unknown,
irrelevant be your name,
until we find measurable proof of your kingdom,
we scratch our heads to what your will is,
on Earth or in multi-dimensional spacetime.
Today we’ll probably eat something.
Forgive me my lack of common sense in this town hall meeting,
as we feel more important than those who lack even more common sense.
May science allow us to live forever,
and circumvent our totally unimportant death.

[For science, my material goods, and neglected emotional well-being, now and forever. ]

In some odd, twisted state of mind, religious groups are now speaking out in protest against such political issues as gun control, oil drilling and Robert Redford.

Don’t get me wrong, people can believe whatever they want to believe.  I realize I don’t know the answers and some feel like they have, which is fine by me.  But the lack of flexibility in most religious faith brings about all sorts of fun and curious contradictions I can’t help but point out.  Let’s talk about this gun control thing:

Here’s a gun control protest from a North Philidelphia group called Heeding God’s Call.  God’s Call seems to now be focused on taking the guns out of the hands of regular people who he has deemed too stupid to own a firearm - or maybe it’s self-fulfilling prophecy.  Perhaps we are due for an end-of-the-world Revelation like apocalypse, starting with giving exclusive authority to carry firearms to militarism, thugs, religious regimes, and authority figures with Barack Obama at the helm.  The best was this quote from the one of the protesters who refused to leave the gun store:

One of the protesters, Melissa DeLong, 28, of Camden, said: “I’d rather leave in a [police] wagon than see one more child in a coffin.”

I don’t like to see children in coffins, either.  But perhaps you should protest funeral parlors next time.  Or you can pray.  Or something TOTALLY unheard of, like teaching firearm safety to kids whose gun-handling resumes only include Halo 3, Doom, and Half-Life.

I must also point out that millions of people take their children once a week voluntarily to a building whose predominate symbol is a Roman torture device and central focus is a message of blood and torture that is glorified.  It all seems so masochistic.  My point is - can’t we do more for our children?  Can’t we teach them more about how we are very close to finding life on Mars, or how we have found ways to map the human genome, or even just foster their imagination?

Between 2 - 4 million people will worship Obama next week during his inauguration. (aka “The Next Coming of Christ).  Of course, his $850 billion in new cash is going to fix our addiction to credit and deficit spending.

Before you tighten your belt too far, you should join in on the fun. Here’s your chance to enjoy your own Bailout.  Spend billions as President Obama in Monopoly: State of the Union 2009!  Get started today - click here for your very own bailout package!

The holidays have made me fat and happy, cold and sick, and lazy as hell.  I haven’t worked out.  I haven’t cleaned my bathroom, I haven’t cleaned my fridge of old Christmas goodies…. and I haven’t been posting Protest news.

Good things are coming very soon, I promise. 

And holy crapola, my news feeds and inbox are filled with the goings-on with the Israel and Gaza conflicts - and most of them aren’t even in Israel or the Gaza Strip.  There are protests sprouting up all over the world.  Which leads us to the….

Question of the day: Is anyone else in agreement that there are probably more protesters of the Gaza Strip invasion than actually live in Gaza Strip?

And the follow up question of the day:   What will it take for these people to learn the Kindergarden lessons of sharing?

It really isn’t that complicated to learn to share. Case in point: Even a 2 year old will usually walk over and hand you what’s in their hand, whether its a diaper, a piece of broccoli, or a doll.  These people in the Middle East get pissed when they have to walk through a door first, provoke each other, and fight to the death over exclusive rights to a rock and a brick wall.

A little tolerance goes a long way. 

PUT THE WEAPONS DOWN.

GO HOME AND READ A DIFFERENT BOOK - YOUR HEAD HAS BEEN BURIED IN THE SAME ONE FOR FAR TOO LONG.