Archive for July, 2009
From a buddy of mine: I was walking around Venice Beach and saw these guys with this poster and thought I would interview them for you.
So yeah, on Venice Beach you can sign this billboard with your scribbles if you agree that Jesus Loves Homosexuals as much as a God-fearing, fertile, and reproducing straight peoples:
Since Jesus shares his love with drug addicts, alcoholics, and gays as if they were all normal people like the rest of us, we should see if he really loves them equally. Now I understand that this is mostly Public Relations for religion, but I hypothesize that this love is NOT equal – in fact I propose an experiment to see what he loves the most:
First, we create three new “Jesus Loves” boards, one for drug addicts, one for alcoholics, and one for homosexuals. Then we line them up all next to each other and give someone the option of signing one (1) board. Then, we count the signatures between the drug addicts, alcoholics, and homosexuals. Keep in mind if you’re a gay alcoholic drug addict, you’ve got a 100% shot of getting some of that fine, fine Jesus Lovin’.
Then, we should take it a step further and spread the Jesus love to some of those who don’t get muh Jesus Love. And mostly because I’m curious to know who would win in a “Jesus Loves” board signing rally between:
Jesus Loves Illegal Immigration
Jesus Loves Nazis
Jesus Loves Smoking Pot (I imagine this one would be much higher in Cali, no pun intended)
Jesus Loves Communist China
Jesus Loves Satan Worshippers
Jesus Loves S&M
Jesus Loves Consumerism
Jesus Loves Obama
Jesus Loves Terrorism
Jesus Loves George W. Bush
Italian film-makers and actors are boo-hooing about the “arts and culture” funding in Italty being cut, due to the economy. These film professionals are frustrated at a $130 million Euro cut in their budgets, bringing the grand total to $380 million Euros.
“A country that doesn’t love culture is a country that doesn’t love those who make culture either,” said veteran director Mario Monicelli.
Yes! Italy hates you artistic culture-loving freaks of nature. Italian directors have produced such gems as Troll 2 (after the amazing success of Troll 1, of course) and Cattive ragazze – both representing Italy’s superior film artistry by filling Italy’s spot in the Films Considered the Worst Ever Made.
Former Rome mayor Walter Veltroni, a leader of the center-left opposition, said the arts industry employed some 200,000 people in Italy. “If it shuts down, it is as if Fiat shut down,” he said.
Listen, artists of Italy – it’s a well known fact artists produce innovative art when they are poor and/or starving. Your best artwork has not been produced for hundreds of years. These budget cuts aren’t for your movie-making supplies. These cuts are strictly for your food budget. And by the way, just because Fiat is teaching Chrysler how to make tiny cars leaves you NO room to boast about Fiat for your tricky little comparison that will no longer be mentioned.
Some in the industry have threatened to boycott the Venice film festival, which this year runs from September 2-12, though there is no consensus on taking such a drastic step.
Protesting the Venice Film Festival is the best thing you can do. You should represent the Italian film industry at its finest, demonstrating how your well-fed diet is creating the most moving pieces of cinematic history. Instead of playing the feature films for the Film Festival, repeatedly play Troll 2 while the entire cast of the film performs a live reenactment – with one catch. The lines of the film should be altered to show the importance for a well-balanced diet and quite literaly why the Italian film-making machine must be fed. Personally, I hate when artists whine for food. But this is your best shot.
PETA has brought forth yet another nonsensical, boring protest. This time for fish.
Pike Place is a popular fish market in Seattle and also the subject of the book “Go Fish!” which outlines some of the basic principles of the company (a nice, quick read by the way). Pike Place fish market is known for its success and highly energetic ambiance, which includes shouts and throwing fish around the room.
Well, that doesn’t sit well with PETA, tossing around of fish and probably going to be eaten by a hungry meat eater who enjoys the taste of the Sea’s finest culinary delights. Sort of a “putting yourself in fish shoes” kind of thinking, I suppose. By the way, speaking of kittens and throwing, ever toss a cat? I mean high, like at least 20 ft in the air? They will always land on their feet. Awesome.
Even better is that this event they’re protesting is filled with the most educated people who actually care about animals – they’re protesting the American Veterinary Medical Association by rolling around on the asphalt topless dressed as fish and holding signs “AVMA Supports Pain”.
Photo and Article. Does anyone really take this crap seriously?
Amist all of the controversy and publicity of Michael Jackson’s death, the publicity whores at Westboro Baptist Church are licking their chops to stir up trouble and spend their congregation’s money spreading world gloom and doom at the King of Pop’s memorial. Gee, what could rednecks from Kansas possible have against Michael Jackson? According to their protest page, he’s an unthankful (sic) brute beast that was struck down by God according to some irrelevant Bible scripture about a Babylonian King…or something. Aw hell, does it really matter?
It’s a good opportunity to antagonize the grieving!
As far as I understand it, Westboro Baptist has a healthy obsession with death, and every last one of us that dies has been smite by a vengeful, seemingly immature and evil God. So my assumption is the driving force is this sound logic: Since God is vengeful and kills everyone, it’s necessary to spend your life shitting on everyone who is possibly emotionally vulnerable.
I don’t think Fred Phelps will go to Hell. I think there’s a place in Heaven for him, and if God has a sense of humor, and I believe that he does, Phelps’ll be forced to write and carry protest signs inscripted “God Loves Fags” through the streets wearing ass-less chaps and a purple leather vest.
For your “LOL”, here’s their Michael Jackson protest posted on their schedule page:
Staples Center – Michael Wacko Jacko Jackson is in hell! 1111 S. Figueroa St WBC will be there to remind you to stop worshiping the dead. We will be there to tell you to Thank God for the death of this filthy, adulterous, idolatrous, gender-confused, nationality-confused, unthankful brute beast. We will be there to remind you that God Killed Wacko Jacko. There is a God, and a Day of Judgment. For you to wallow and murmur against God for his righteous Judgments is sin and will cause YOU to join Michael in hell. Stop that! Be thankful that God has not already killed you because like that Babylonian King Nebuchadnezzar realized after 7 years of being cursed as a crazy wild man because he did not give God the glory warns – God will deal with you WHERE YOU LIVE if you do not put away your sins. Check this out: Daniel 4:34 And at the end of the days I Nebuchadnezzar lifted up mine eyes unto heaven, and mine understanding returned unto me, and I blessed the most High, and I praised and honoured him that liveth for ever, whose dominion is an everlasting dominion, and his kingdom is from generation to generation: 35 And all the inhabitants of the earth are reputed as nothing: and he doeth according to his will in the army of heaven, and among the inhabitants of the earth: and none can stay his hand, or say unto him, What doest thou? Praise God, and give glory until The Most Highest for ALL his works in heaven and in earth! AMEN!
Please….smite me now.