Archive for January, 2010
Today let’s honor MLK Jr.
This strong advocate of peaceful protest showed us the true power of protest in bringing change, and probably set up the legacy of peaceful activism we see today. Who ever thought venting your anger through nonviolent passive aggression would have any affect at all? MLK proved it can be done and was ironically killed for it.
Dr. MLK Jr., thanks for making Junk Activism possible. Without you, millions wouldn’t have the courage to stand up for all the things they believe in. You’ve changed the United States in a profound, positive way, offering hope and courage, emphasizing the power of love and forgiveness.
You’ve also imbued them with the courage to stand up for anything, even some who lay down their lives for the most important issues of our current discourse, like rent to own stores, shoe-throwing, cow farts, money-addicted governments, and trees.
Looking forward to a good year of protests in 2010.
Read some of Dr. King’s profound and motivational speeches here.
Scientists in Vienna were sedating pigs and burying them in deep pockets of mountain snow to determine why people don’t suffer severe brain damage when they’re caught in these deep snow pockets.
Well, that didn’t make animal rights groups too happy to know we were burying pigs in mountains of snow, calling it “cruel and pointless”.
Excuse me, pointless? This is fun. It’s my personal belief that these oinkers would’ve volunteered for the job with promises of leftovers, 5 boxes of Twinkies, 3 pounds of cheese, 5 apple cores, and a slab of bacon… er, hold the bacon.
“People are shocked and outraged that such cruel experiments can even be carried out in Austria,” said Gerda Matias, president of the International Union of Animal Experiment Opponents.
The International Union of Animal Experiment Opponents. Interesting there is one of those, I’m assuming it’s abbreviated IUAEO. Or Eyeyouay-ye-oh.
As much fun as it is killing animals for reasons other than food or security, we simply can’t bury them in snow and read their brain activity.
So we’re stuck with a problem. These experiments must be done, but who should we do them on? If we want real hard data on brain damage in the snow, we should be burying people in the Austrian Alps. Cmon, if you’re scientists, why haven’t you figured that out yet?!
Of course the only logiacal way to do this is to start from the bottom up:
2) Animal Rights Activists
3) Senior Citizens
4) Bankers and CEOs
Look, maybe it’s not as “ethical” as using animals, but we’re talking about science here. And we need hard facts, people.
Ok, so while I typically use this blog as a way to grandstand my opinions, talk down to others’ protests, and generally be a jerk-off towards activists… deep down I’m sincerely concerned about the welfare of others and have a soft spot for the developing world.
I’ve been to South Africa and Thailand (which was one of the least impacted countries in the 2005 tsunamis that devastated Southeast Asia.)
The pain & suffering is widespread and is affecting millions of the world’s most impoverished people. Some are still buried under rubble, they need food, water, medical supplies, and mobility in a country that has next to no infrastructure.
Let me tell you – this situation in Haiti right now is dire. We are talking about Katrina-type devastation in the poorest country in the world. This could turn out to be like Katrina x10 if help does not get there fast. Many of these people have lost what little they have left and will starve or die of diseases that could easily have been treated. It is critical – life and death critical – that these people get aid as soon as possible.
There are scams out there. I strongly, strongly encourage you to donate to a Legitimate cause. Even if you’re totally indifferent or don’t have time or much money, there are ways now to literally send a text message and pay for it on your cell phone bill.
Text “Yele” to 501501 and you’ll get a confirmation. Respond with YES to the confirmation and your cell phone bill will be charged $5, and the money goes into the fund directly for aid for the Haiti Earthquake disaster.
This goes to Wyclef Jean’s organization and their disaster relief fund. A little bit from many will make a huge difference. $5 can go a long way!!!
Alternately, faith-based organizations have existing infrastructure in Haiti, including the Catholic Church and several Christian groups. Donate to the ones you trust. This money will be put to good use.
Please, please send a text message to donate to Wyclef’s Yele group, who is already working in Haiti, or to the Red Cross fund. These next few days can make the difference between life and death for many.
…and when something screws up, I’ll be happy to write about the inevitable protests to ensure.
If you just donated, thank you. If not, please consider doing so.
Germans love to get naked in protests. At least that’s my opinion. Especially the German PETA supporters.
Now there’s another excuse to don your birthday suit, and that’s to make a scene in airports, where scenes have been made by everyone from Hare Krishna’s to Taxi drivers to terrorists.
So these folks, in protest of installing virtual “strip search” machines as they’re called, are revealing their naked bodies to all of us, you know, in real life and uploading it to YouTube for all of us to see. In protest of being seen naked. It’s logical, don’t worry. Watch the video and you’ll see:
Personally I’m excited about these body scanners, and you should be too. Invasion of privacy? Blah, blah, blah, just more rhetoric from civil liberties groups, the privacy-obsessive and the paranoid. This is even better than TSA pat downs, which of course the TSA always wants to do to me since I give off an aura that says “touch me, I’m warm”. They should hire more hot models to do this job, though. Usually it’s some stiff, boring guy or an a woman in shoulder pads patting me down.
But seriously, come on. The fact is these machines are good. They’ll finally give me a real shot to show off my genitals to strangers in airports.