Junk Activism

This isn’t a post that is about pro-gayness vs. gay-bashing, the consumer vs. big bad evil news networks, Focus on the Family vs. the Pro-Choice Mongers, or Colts vs. the Saints.  This isn’t about black vs. white, Team A vs. Team B.

This is a post about advertising and perception.

Most people following either football or gay rights issues have already heard of this growing controversy about Mancrunch.com looking for airspace on the Superbowl, only to be rejected by CBS for any number of convoluted reasons, including its “gayness” factor and the credit score of Mancrunch.com.

If you haven’t seen the ad, here you go:

Let’s discuss this marketing for a second.

First of all, ManCrunch.com?  If it has anything to do with sex, I can’t think of one thing in related to sex or romance I would want to associate with using the word “crunch”.  If something is crunching, you’re likely doing something absurd or illegal in 22 states.  Here’s my thoughts of what happened:

“We need a name.  Something catchy.  And it needs the word “Man” in it.”

“How about ManCrush?  Men having crushes on men.  It’s cute, it’s simple, and implies romantic fun some gay men are seeking.”

“Hmm… ManCrush.com.  But what if they think it’s about Crushing men?  You know, like UFC or Boxing or something?”

“Good point. <pause>  Ah hah!  Men like eating potato chips.  And potato chips go “crunch.”

“Oooooo, ManCrunch.com.  I can see the Superbowl commercial already…. register that hot domain name at GoDaddy.com while its HOT!” *See GoDaddy’s effiminately-charged TV ad that was also rejected

So now that we’ve derailed the whole basis of this brand name, let’s delve further into this ad and why it’s total tripe:

First of all this ad sucks because, well, it’s just plain cheap.  They must’ve spent all of their money on a single run of Airtime during the Superbowl because the ad looks cheap.  It’s a backdrop that looks like it’s been attacked by roadsigns (including a “No Entry” sign), a couch and a bag of potato chips.

Secondly, it’s stupid. Only the most brain-numbed nincompoops would even possibly by amused by this boring and mediocre ad, which unfortunately make up about 80% of Superbowl advertising anymore.  There’s nothing intellectually clever or stimulating about it, it’s just two guys watching football who randomly decide to make out to an equally non-clever lyrics “I wanna kiss this guy, I really really really wanna kiss this guy”.  So to all of the lofty types, the better-than-thou-because-I’m-not-homophobic crowd, this ad sucks.  For a social group stereotyped to be classy, fashionable, and artistic, even the least classy, fashionable, and artistic homosexual can’t even pretend this kind of dumbness does anything to aid the gay community.

Third, and most importantly, let’s evaluate what this ad implies to its audience of 100 million about homosexuality.  First we see two men, presumably acting “straight” (because “straight” guys are eating potato chips and watching football in rooms full of road signs).  After insulting his buddy, their hands touch reaching for potato chips and the lustful frenzy begins as blondie leaps on top of baldy and starts stage-kissing him.  Cue music, cue logo, then we see a curious, confused, and bewildered guy staring from an armchair.

What makes this message different from any other public reaction of homosexuality?  Wake up:  This isn’t a message of social justice, social rebellion, or even being contrary.  They’re trying to sell a product,  in this instance a Website membership, drooling to ride a wave of dollars using the same tired perceptions and social controversy of homosexuality used over and over to get attention.  In fact, the point of this ad seems to perpetuate the belief that all gays are first and foremost lustful attention-seekers and secondly, well maybe secondly, looking for meaningful relationships.

So you’ve got a mediocre ad that’s stupid and misrepresents the people it claims to represent, going so far as appealing with gay advocacy groups.

In a world of advertising boner pills, financial ads with close-ups of smiling humans, cheap watery beer, and processed corn chips, do what you will with this one.  Just do it with common sense, forward-thinking, and principle.

Today let’s honor MLK Jr.

This strong advocate of peaceful protest showed us the true power of protest in bringing change, and probably set up the legacy of peaceful activism we see today.  Who ever thought venting your anger through nonviolent passive aggression would have any affect at all?  MLK proved it can be done and was ironically killed for it.

Dr. MLK Jr., thanks for making Junk Activism possible.  Without you, millions wouldn’t have the courage to stand up for all the things they believe in.  You’ve changed the United States in a profound, positive way, offering hope and courage, emphasizing the power of love and forgiveness.

You’ve also imbued them with the courage to stand up for anything, even some who lay down their lives for the most important issues of our current discourse, like rent to own stores, shoe-throwing, cow farts, money-addicted governments, and trees.

Looking forward to a good year of protests in 2010.

Read some of Dr. King’s profound and motivational speeches here.

Germans love to get naked in protests.  At least that’s my opinion.  Especially the German PETA supporters.

Now there’s another excuse to don your birthday suit, and that’s to make a scene in airports, where scenes have been made by everyone from Hare Krishna’s to Taxi drivers to terrorists.

So these folks, in protest of installing virtual “strip search” machines as they’re called, are revealing their naked bodies to all of us, you know, in real life and uploading it to YouTube for all of us to see.  In protest of being seen naked.  It’s logical, don’t worry.  Watch the video and you’ll see:

Personally I’m excited about these body scanners, and you should be too.  Invasion of privacy?  Blah, blah, blah, just more rhetoric from civil liberties groups, the privacy-obsessive and the paranoid.  This is even better than TSA pat downs, which of course the TSA always wants to do to me since I give off an aura that says “touch me, I’m warm”.   They should hire more hot models to do this job, though.  Usually it’s some stiff, boring guy or an a woman in shoulder pads patting me down.

But seriously, come on.  The fact is these machines are good.  They’ll finally give me a real shot to show off my genitals to strangers in airports.

Earth Day is a wonderful day of reflection and celebration.  It’s a festive Atheistic Environmental answer to Easter, minus the fun Pagan traditions.  We should all reflect to appreciate the planet Earth and it’s plentiful resources.  I’ve been pondering all sorts of fun things we can do to appreciate all that the Mother Nature giveth.

Follow these simple instructions for a long, fulfilling Earth day:

1) Upon waking up, spend adequate time to freshen up for Earth Day festivities.  Brush your teeth extra long, take a nice long, warm shower.  Get good and clean - take the time to reflect and relax about how you’re saving the Earth as you enjoy the peaceful and relaxing warm water.

2) Now that you’re fresh for Earth Day, appreciate the 3rd world by strapping on some Nike’s fresh from the world-class factories of Southeast Asia.  Wear synthetic clothing developed from petrol-chemicals since PETA said hurting animals is a big no-no. Especially on Earth Day.  Trust me, you will feel far less guilty.

3) Only urinate & defecate outdoors.  On plants and trees.  We must fertilize them!

4) Treat yourself to fine Earth Day-ness like fresh life-giving H20.  You should only drink bottled water anyway, but especially on Earth Day.  Buy a 24 pack.  Heck, buy 48 - it’s never too cheap to be green.  Drink as much as you possibly can.  Only the best the planet can produce - only the best that Man can bottle for $1 - $2 a pop.  The more money you spend on your water, the more important it is.

5)  Rid the Earth of the filth you’ve created all year long.  Locate all of the Styrofoam in your household… coolers, Dixie cups, and float trip beer coasters.   Find the other random plastic junk you’ve collected - junk toys from 25 cent machines, Carnival Prizes, pointless Pet accessories, and all those water bottles from earlier.  Build a bonfire and burn them all!

6) A true Earth day celebrator only eats Organic foods from Whole Foods.  Not eating luxury produce from Whole Foods on Earth Day is sort of like not having cake on your birthday, or presents on Christmas.  Be a good Earthling and slap food science right in it’s fat, ugly, selectively-bred lips with a $2 dollar Organic apple and a $10 dollar steak from a pampered cow.

7)  Pay your Global Warming indulgences to Al Gore via Carbon Credits.  He cares about the planet more than anyone else can afford to.  Thanks to carbon dioxide, the fact that you even exist  makes it worse for everyone else on Earth.  So before you go to bed tonight, either consider suicide or buy Carbon Credits.   They also give failing banks a new bullshit asset to trade. So…buy them now.  Or the guilt will plague you forever.

Globalization should be encouraged.  Be sure to buy Chinese products this Earth Day so we can further integrate the world.  Toys, cosmetics, household items, and CFL Light Bulbs should all be purchased from global leading retailers like Wal-Mart.

9) Ah, a nice long Earth Day.  It’s been enjoyable.  Your trash can may be filled from the day’s business, but don’t you dare empty it yet - it’s better to wait until the day AFTER Earth Day to empty your trash.  Your trash-conscious neighbors will think better of you.

Happy Earth Day!

I’m sure there was some sense of gratification for bonking this guy on the head with a tear gas canister.

To Israel: We aren’t TRYING to send anxious political activists to your lands to protest something irrelevant to them.  They have good intentions, it makes them feel noble and important, just pay your taxes or we’ll still hate you.   It is tourism…of sorts.  Just usually with stinky, dirty backpacking hippies.  And with no money.  And little or no experience in  your culture.

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