Junk Activism

This isn’t a post that is about pro-gayness vs. gay-bashing, the consumer vs. big bad evil news networks, Focus on the Family vs. the Pro-Choice Mongers, or Colts vs. the Saints.  This isn’t about black vs. white, Team A vs. Team B.

This is a post about advertising and perception.

Most people following either football or gay rights issues have already heard of this growing controversy about Mancrunch.com looking for airspace on the Superbowl, only to be rejected by CBS for any number of convoluted reasons, including its “gayness” factor and the credit score of Mancrunch.com.

If you haven’t seen the ad, here you go:

Let’s discuss this marketing for a second.

First of all, ManCrunch.com?  If it has anything to do with sex, I can’t think of one thing in related to sex or romance I would want to associate with using the word “crunch”.  If something is crunching, you’re likely doing something absurd or illegal in 22 states.  Here’s my thoughts of what happened:

“We need a name.  Something catchy.  And it needs the word “Man” in it.”

“How about ManCrush?  Men having crushes on men.  It’s cute, it’s simple, and implies romantic fun some gay men are seeking.”

“Hmm… ManCrush.com.  But what if they think it’s about Crushing men?  You know, like UFC or Boxing or something?”

“Good point. <pause>  Ah hah!  Men like eating potato chips.  And potato chips go “crunch.”

“Oooooo, ManCrunch.com.  I can see the Superbowl commercial already…. register that hot domain name at GoDaddy.com while its HOT!” *See GoDaddy’s effiminately-charged TV ad that was also rejected

So now that we’ve derailed the whole basis of this brand name, let’s delve further into this ad and why it’s total tripe:

First of all this ad sucks because, well, it’s just plain cheap.  They must’ve spent all of their money on a single run of Airtime during the Superbowl because the ad looks cheap.  It’s a backdrop that looks like it’s been attacked by roadsigns (including a “No Entry” sign), a couch and a bag of potato chips.

Secondly, it’s stupid. Only the most brain-numbed nincompoops would even possibly by amused by this boring and mediocre ad, which unfortunately make up about 80% of Superbowl advertising anymore.  There’s nothing intellectually clever or stimulating about it, it’s just two guys watching football who randomly decide to make out to an equally non-clever lyrics “I wanna kiss this guy, I really really really wanna kiss this guy”.  So to all of the lofty types, the better-than-thou-because-I’m-not-homophobic crowd, this ad sucks.  For a social group stereotyped to be classy, fashionable, and artistic, even the least classy, fashionable, and artistic homosexual can’t even pretend this kind of dumbness does anything to aid the gay community.

Third, and most importantly, let’s evaluate what this ad implies to its audience of 100 million about homosexuality.  First we see two men, presumably acting “straight” (because “straight” guys are eating potato chips and watching football in rooms full of road signs).  After insulting his buddy, their hands touch reaching for potato chips and the lustful frenzy begins as blondie leaps on top of baldy and starts stage-kissing him.  Cue music, cue logo, then we see a curious, confused, and bewildered guy staring from an armchair.

What makes this message different from any other public reaction of homosexuality?  Wake up:  This isn’t a message of social justice, social rebellion, or even being contrary.  They’re trying to sell a product,  in this instance a Website membership, drooling to ride a wave of dollars using the same tired perceptions and social controversy of homosexuality used over and over to get attention.  In fact, the point of this ad seems to perpetuate the belief that all gays are first and foremost lustful attention-seekers and secondly, well maybe secondly, looking for meaningful relationships.

So you’ve got a mediocre ad that’s stupid and misrepresents the people it claims to represent, going so far as appealing with gay advocacy groups.

In a world of advertising boner pills, financial ads with close-ups of smiling humans, cheap watery beer, and processed corn chips, do what you will with this one.  Just do it with common sense, forward-thinking, and principle.

Well, I must say the GOP has grabbed ahold of the Libertarian Tea Party idea like a hungry animal…. not surprised, they’ve totally lost their way and are now looking for some kind of purpose or cause to stay relevant, not to mention under the presumed (by Dems at least) “leadership” of this moron. I must say though, it’s smart of Democrats to associate the leadership of their  political opponents with such a reactionary loud mouth.   Politics are dirty.

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I’m sure there was some sense of gratification for bonking this guy on the head with a tear gas canister.

To Israel: We aren’t TRYING to send anxious political activists to your lands to protest something irrelevant to them.  They have good intentions, it makes them feel noble and important, just pay your taxes or we’ll still hate you.   It is tourism…of sorts.  Just usually with stinky, dirty backpacking hippies.  And with no money.  And little or no experience in  your culture.

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Racism protests against the New York Post?  Nah.  New York Post isn’t promoting racism.  When I saw this cartoon, the first thought I had wasn’t anything to do with black people.

It was that New York Post was joking that the stimulus bill was written by monkeys and comparing it to current events.

But how could I possibly not jump to the conclusion that this unfunny joke has anything to do with the fact that Obama is half African?  Simple.  I AM NOT A RACIST. This cartoon has nothing to do with Obama.  Nor do I ever think in terms of racial division, until some idiot decides its important and makes a big-ass deal about it.

Monkeys are funny.  They are like strong, agile little people.  Bonobo Chimps are something like 98.9% identical to us.  They have fingers and feet and make funny faces.  There are numerous phrases about monkies that makes this a joke that any 6 grader can appreciate:

• Monkeying Around
• 1,000 Monkeys Given Typewriters and Infinite Time will Eventually write the complete works of William Shakespeare
• This place is run by monkies
• So easy a monkey could do it

To Al Sharpton, Spike Lee, and everyone else who thinks this was racist:  Racism does NOT end by empowering groups of people based on their skin color.  Racism ends when you succeed to make race irrelevant to society.  Make apathy your friend.  You are an old, dying breed, fighting for relevance where little or none is needed.  The younger generation doesn’t give a shit about a “white agenda” or a “black agenda” and if we do, it’s because you’ve taught it to us.

We want to live free of this silly, irrelevant immaturity.  Stop being selfish publicity whores and support the greater good.  Stop ostriching or supporting those you feel important enough…. stop reading between the lines only to stir controversey.  Of course racism still exists.  It exists in people like you who grab ahold of any opportunity to grandstand your own ego.

Think about it this way: we elected a half African President.  We’re well on our way and you’re just pissed because you’re a dinosaur who is becoming less important.  Go away.

The ONLY apology that the New York Post should even be responsible for issuing is one that says they’re sorry for offense and it was not their intention.  And they did.  So, case closed.

Ok.  I’m feeling a little grumpy today so instead of being cheeky and fun like I normally like to be, I’m just going to issue a reaming on this one.

Seriously, why couldn’t PETA do something cool like a nude protest?  Why cross this line?  Does PETA have their heads so far up their asses they can’t see how ludicrous it is to compare a silly pretentious Dog Show to one of the most disgusting, racist cultural embarrassments of modern America?

The fact that PETA would have the audacity to stoop so low as to dress as these ignorant redneck retards to serve an “animal rights” agenda shows no shame.  It is also yet more proof to the whole world that PETA’s agenda has no foundation in facts, logic or reason but instead is driven by the emotional whims of the most weak-minded and naive people of modern society.  These same sincere but weak-minded and naive are the only ones that will ever take this message seriously.

Dressing up as the KKK is a big “Fuck You” to the African American community and  anyone who has fought so hard to end racism in America.  Racism is one of the biggest civil liberty/human rights issues America has EVER faced, and this undermines the problems we have overcome, using shock appeal to “market” an  irrelevant cause.

Such a simple-minded association - the only ones who would even agree to this are white people from wealthy homes who are so detached from Nature and Conservation they probably have never even been camping.  Pfft.

Anyway, since you’ve already found it a good idea associated yourselves with White Supremacy and American racism, I’ve thought of some other great offensive things you can try out:

1) Dress up as Hitler’s Youth Nazis and march through downtown Berlin adorning swastikas.  After all, Hitler did have a Eugenics plan.  Build a giant “gas chamber” and invite the public to go inside.  Maybe even stamp their wrists with their own number while you’re at it.  Isn’t Eugenics more appropriate for this AKC thing, anyway?  “Master Race” and all?

2) Get a cross and crucify an animal effigy in Jerusalem.  You can all dress up like Jews and Romans in Mel Gibson’s Passion, speak Aramaic, ridicule, spit, and prod at it.  Make sure there is plenty of blood to go around and compare your message to Christ as you walk the Way of the Cross.

3) Cover yourself in animal feces and roll around in the entryways of city zoos.  You know, because we cage the animals and all and they should be able to shit where they like.

4) Hire clowns dressed as vets to juggle jars of real, neutered dog balls and formaldahyde.  You could hand them out to passers-by.  This one would be great for any circus or city.  Get attention for those neuterings!

5) You’ll be sure to get a news plug for this one and it will also work in any city - Represent the strays!   Dress like homeless people, roll around in the dirt, and stop showering for 2 weeks.  Contract a contagious disease and cough on everyone that passes.  That’ll teach them!

One more thing…

If you think you’re giving money to help animals when you donate to PETA, think again.  You’re just supporting a weak “animal rights agenda” when what we should be doing is planning for future conservation.  Animals don’t give a shit about rights, anyway.  Only humans do.  Equally, only humans care about conservation.  Animals want their needs met:  food, water, safety, and something to breed with.  They don’t give a shit about what is going extinct or why.  The natural laws of “survival of the fittest” still apply and humans are THRIVING - therefore, to be responsible at the top of the food chain, life on our planet must be managed like any other evaluable commodity… if we are to sustain their population.  We can’t personify animals because it “feels good” to do so.

Wake up and smell the reality - it is wonderful and delicious. Get a good whiff and then go do something useful for nature.  But don’t feed PETA.