Junk Activism

PETA insists that Groundhog day should feature a robotic groundhog instead of “Phil”, the WonderHog.

Every year in Punxsutawney the tradition is followed where they pull a pampered groundhog out of his cage, thrust him into the air and watch to see if he looks at his shadow.  This somehow has a connection to climate patterns and determines how cold it’s going to be for the next six weeks.


Punxsutawney feels differently:

Oh and by the way, in case you were wondering, it’s six weeks of more winter.

Ok, so while I typically use this blog as a way to grandstand my opinions, talk down to others’ protests, and generally be a jerk-off towards activists… deep down I’m sincerely concerned about the welfare of others and have a soft spot for the developing world.

I’ve been to South Africa and Thailand (which was one of the least impacted countries in the 2005 tsunamis that devastated Southeast Asia.)

The pain & suffering is widespread and is affecting millions of the world’s most impoverished people.  Some are still buried under rubble, they need food, water, medical supplies, and mobility in a country that has next to no infrastructure.

Let me tell you - this situation in Haiti right now is dire.  We are talking about Katrina-type devastation in the poorest country in the world.   This could turn out to be like Katrina x10 if help does not get there fast.  Many of these people have lost what little they have left and will starve or die of diseases that could easily have been treated.  It is critical - life and death critical - that these people get aid as soon as possible.

There are scams out there.  I strongly, strongly encourage you to donate to a Legitimate cause.  Even if you’re totally indifferent or don’t have time or much money, there are ways now to literally send a text message and pay for it on your cell phone bill.

Text “Yele” to 501501 and you’ll get a confirmation.  Respond with YES to the confirmation and your cell phone bill will be charged $5, and the money goes into the fund directly for aid for the Haiti Earthquake disaster.

This goes to Wyclef Jean’s organization and their disaster relief fund.  A little bit from many will make a huge difference.  $5 can go a long way!!!

Alternately, faith-based organizations have existing infrastructure in Haiti, including the Catholic Church and several Christian groups.  Donate to the ones you trust. This money will be put to good use.

Please, please send a text message to donate to Wyclef’s Yele group, who is already working in Haiti, or to the Red Cross fund.  These next few days can make the difference between life and death for many.

…and when something screws up, I’ll be happy to write about the inevitable protests to ensure.

If you just donated, thank you.  If not, please consider doing so.

Germans love to get naked in protests.  At least that’s my opinion.  Especially the German PETA supporters.

Now there’s another excuse to don your birthday suit, and that’s to make a scene in airports, where scenes have been made by everyone from Hare Krishna’s to Taxi drivers to terrorists.

So these folks, in protest of installing virtual “strip search” machines as they’re called, are revealing their naked bodies to all of us, you know, in real life and uploading it to YouTube for all of us to see.  In protest of being seen naked.  It’s logical, don’t worry.  Watch the video and you’ll see:

Personally I’m excited about these body scanners, and you should be too.  Invasion of privacy?  Blah, blah, blah, just more rhetoric from civil liberties groups, the privacy-obsessive and the paranoid.  This is even better than TSA pat downs, which of course the TSA always wants to do to me since I give off an aura that says “touch me, I’m warm”.   They should hire more hot models to do this job, though.  Usually it’s some stiff, boring guy or an a woman in shoulder pads patting me down.

But seriously, come on.  The fact is these machines are good.  They’ll finally give me a real shot to show off my genitals to strangers in airports.

PETA has brought forth yet another nonsensical, boring protest.  This time for fish.

Pike Place is a popular fish market in Seattle and also the subject of the book “Go Fish!” which outlines some of the basic principles of the company (a nice, quick read by the way). Pike Place fish market is known for its success and highly energetic ambiance, which includes shouts and throwing fish around the room.

Well, that doesn’t sit well with PETA, tossing around of fish and probably going to be eaten by a hungry meat eater who enjoys the taste of the Sea’s finest culinary delights.  Sort of a “putting yourself in fish shoes” kind of thinking, I suppose.  By the way, speaking of kittens and throwing, ever toss a cat?  I mean high, like at least 20 ft in the air?  They will always land on their feet.  Awesome.

Even better is that this event they’re protesting is filled with the most educated people who actually care about animals - they’re protesting the American Veterinary Medical Association by rolling around on the asphalt topless dressed as fish and holding signs “AVMA Supports Pain”.

Photo and Article.  Does anyone really take this crap seriously?

Electronic Arts staged a protest of their upcoming video game “Dante’s Inferno” at the E3 Expo in Los Angeles.

Inspired by the real Dante Alighieri, but adapted for a new generation and a new medium, the hero of the game is a soldier who defies death and fights for love against impossible odds. The Italian mercenary Dante returns home from the wars to find that his beloved Beatrice has been murdered, and her soul pulled down into Hell by a dark force. He gives chase, and vows to get her back. For weapons, he wields Death’s soul-reaping scythe, and commands holy powers of the cross, given to him by Beatrice.

Thank you EA, I know deep down that you hatched this idea just for me.  You combined three of my favorite things: clever marketing, video games, and protesting all into one package.  As a marketer, I gotta respect it.  Hats off to EA for the cool idea.  I’m sure the religious right hates you, but Jesus will still love you.

There must be a million things you can draw attention to by hiring 20 or so people for a few bucks to stand around and pretend to care about something.  I mean, most people in a protest crowd don’t do much anyhow but hold protest signs to draw attention.  But that’s the point, I think.

Here are protest signs from EA’s Protest for Dante’s Inferno: