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Farmers protest A European Union Cow Fart Tax

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Farmers in the European Union are protesting a proposal that cow “Flatulence” (what we call “farts” in America) should be taxed, since cows produce gas.

Should we feel guilty about their farts?   Well, the Japanese wrote “Everyone Poops” but perhaps they never read the sequel “Everyone Farts”.    Recommended reading for every 5 year old.   I’m excited now…. How many times will I get to write the word “fart” in this post?   Fartidy, fart, fart, McFart.

Ok.  Here’s a condensed breakdown of the meat process:

– Farmers (us humans) grow cattle to produce food.
– Cattle produce greenhouse gases such as Methane when they fart and poop, normal products of digestion.
– Humans require food to eat.
– The food from Livestock is distributed and eaten by billions each day.
– Humans, as a result of eating food, fart and poop.

The end goal of the EU Cow Fart Tax – Raise funds to buy allowances from other members of the EU and invest in technology to reduce cow farts.

Denmark is believed to be further advanced with housing for pigs that captures and stores methane emitted from the animals. The gas can be used as a fuel for power generation.

Well, it looks to me from the above “Common Sense” that we are instigating this whole mess, aren’t we?  Humans grow animals that fart and poop, only to eat them and then fart and poop ourselves.  So, why are we taxing the farmers (not the cows) who feed us because their animals fart and poop when, in the end, we’re doing all of the eating, farting, and pooping?!

Two alternative solutions come to mind:

1)  We tax the cows. We tax them hard and heavy for every bit of Methane they generate.  When they don’t pay up, it’s capital punishment.  Old-style, too, like the Chopping Block.  Then we eat those bastards for farting.

2)  We  tax the Middle Class, tax them heavily, OUT THE ASS (no pun intended) for the air they breathe and how many farts they produce.  We’ll start with the poorest and work our way up to the rich, but we’ll never tax the politicians who would inact such laws.  (Their shit doesn’t stink.)

As for Denmark, this technology sounds awesome.  This “methane capture” technology is something we should have built into every chair and every building in America.  Then all of those hot wing, braut, and beer farts in the Midwest will be put to good use – and about damn time, too.  Every middle class, fatass Football fan in the country could produce enough power on a Monday night to power their 52″ LCD HDTV, a TiVo box, and vibrator, and a couple of those Chinese CFL light bulbs.

Written by admin

March 13th, 2009 at 4:17 pm

Posted in Uncategorized