Junk Activism

Parents are pissed at the new “Dora” that Mattel is now hawking with her trendy new fashions and new habits – another innocent and playful childhood icon has fallen under the target of mass consumerism and drooling marketing agencies, clamouring for a piece of that Dora the Explorer money pot!

Dora – the cute little girl who often needs help from her human viewers who shout out commands at their television screens while listening to her command her animal army in Spanish…. has now grown up.  She’s now  a “tween” – a highly popular new market to teach kids how to desire material goods before they reach those crucial teenage years.  As a Middle Schooler, she does Middle Schooler things that all Middle Schoolers are inspired to do by the famous role model Paris Hilton… spending her parent’s money on makeovers and cell phones and just having fun!

Let’s see what the new “Dora Grows Up” is pimping:

Personally I can’t wait until the next Dora, you know, a little older, preferably 18.  We can call her “Dora Grows Boobs“.  She will be great for marketing the more adult needs like health and beauty products, plastic surgery, and high-end Gucci purses.  Even better – we make her a Lesbian and she can have a steamy relationship with Lucy from Peanuts.  Kids will love it!

I also noticed that Strawberry Shortcake got a new makeover as well.  She will no longer eat tasty gumdrops as she has traded them for real, organic fruits while talking to her fruity friends on cell phones!