Junk Activism

PETA insists that Groundhog day should feature a robotic groundhog instead of “Phil”, the WonderHog.

Every year in Punxsutawney the tradition is followed where they pull a pampered groundhog out of his cage, thrust him into the air and watch to see if he looks at his shadow.  This somehow has a connection to climate patterns and determines how cold it’s going to be for the next six weeks.


Punxsutawney feels differently:

Oh and by the way, in case you were wondering, it’s six weeks of more winter.

PETA is such an easy target. When I’m not feeling creative, I just have to see what “People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals” is up to. I took a look at the PETA website, and honestly, I think PETA has officially gone off their rocker with the latest batch of activism “marketing”. Here are the latest development in the “Animal Rights” movement.

Read the rest of this entry »

Ok.  I’m feeling a little grumpy today so instead of being cheeky and fun like I normally like to be, I’m just going to issue a reaming on this one.

Seriously, why couldn’t PETA do something cool like a nude protest?  Why cross this line?  Does PETA have their heads so far up their asses they can’t see how ludicrous it is to compare a silly pretentious Dog Show to one of the most disgusting, racist cultural embarrassments of modern America?

The fact that PETA would have the audacity to stoop so low as to dress as these ignorant redneck retards to serve an “animal rights” agenda shows no shame.  It is also yet more proof to the whole world that PETA’s agenda has no foundation in facts, logic or reason but instead is driven by the emotional whims of the most weak-minded and naive people of modern society.  These same sincere but weak-minded and naive are the only ones that will ever take this message seriously.

Dressing up as the KKK is a big “Fuck You” to the African American community and  anyone who has fought so hard to end racism in America.  Racism is one of the biggest civil liberty/human rights issues America has EVER faced, and this undermines the problems we have overcome, using shock appeal to “market” an  irrelevant cause.

Such a simple-minded association - the only ones who would even agree to this are white people from wealthy homes who are so detached from Nature and Conservation they probably have never even been camping.  Pfft.

Anyway, since you’ve already found it a good idea associated yourselves with White Supremacy and American racism, I’ve thought of some other great offensive things you can try out:

1) Dress up as Hitler’s Youth Nazis and march through downtown Berlin adorning swastikas.  After all, Hitler did have a Eugenics plan.  Build a giant “gas chamber” and invite the public to go inside.  Maybe even stamp their wrists with their own number while you’re at it.  Isn’t Eugenics more appropriate for this AKC thing, anyway?  “Master Race” and all?

2) Get a cross and crucify an animal effigy in Jerusalem.  You can all dress up like Jews and Romans in Mel Gibson’s Passion, speak Aramaic, ridicule, spit, and prod at it.  Make sure there is plenty of blood to go around and compare your message to Christ as you walk the Way of the Cross.

3) Cover yourself in animal feces and roll around in the entryways of city zoos.  You know, because we cage the animals and all and they should be able to shit where they like.

4) Hire clowns dressed as vets to juggle jars of real, neutered dog balls and formaldahyde.  You could hand them out to passers-by.  This one would be great for any circus or city.  Get attention for those neuterings!

5) You’ll be sure to get a news plug for this one and it will also work in any city - Represent the strays!   Dress like homeless people, roll around in the dirt, and stop showering for 2 weeks.  Contract a contagious disease and cough on everyone that passes.  That’ll teach them!

One more thing…

If you think you’re giving money to help animals when you donate to PETA, think again.  You’re just supporting a weak “animal rights agenda” when what we should be doing is planning for future conservation.  Animals don’t give a shit about rights, anyway.  Only humans do.  Equally, only humans care about conservation.  Animals want their needs met:  food, water, safety, and something to breed with.  They don’t give a shit about what is going extinct or why.  The natural laws of “survival of the fittest” still apply and humans are THRIVING - therefore, to be responsible at the top of the food chain, life on our planet must be managed like any other evaluable commodity… if we are to sustain their population.  We can’t personify animals because it “feels good” to do so.

Wake up and smell the reality - it is wonderful and delicious. Get a good whiff and then go do something useful for nature.  But don’t feed PETA.

PETA leaves no tasty animal unturned, this time creating a high tech double-whammy protest: Protest Thanksgiving turkey eating AND the video game “Cooking Mama” on Nintendo Wii.

“Cooking Mama - Mama Kills Animals” turns a tame, food-loving cooking video game on Nintendo Wii into a violent animal slaughtering bloodbath.  The goal?  Show the true evils of eating bird on Thanksgiving and persuade Cooking Mama to make a vegetarian version.  Hmm.  Who would’ve thought the non-meat-eating population were such avid players of boring video games.

Regardless of speculation, the truth is PETA has made Cooking Mama more exciting.  From Doom to Grand Theft Auto to Resident Evil, everyone knows that violent games ARE FUN.   Mama has been transformed from a twinkle-eyed smiling Japanimation into a no-nonsense carnivorous bad ass. “Cooking Mama - Mama Kills Animals” goes back to the basics of meat eating - the simulated pleasures of yanking apart animal pieces - without actually having to do it.

Thanks, PETA.   Your next assignment is either “Barney’s Hide N’ Seek” or “Barbie Super Model“.  Please make these games more tolerable for play.  You guys hate people, and although an outdated model, Barney is technically an animal…. make him a man-eating dinosaur or something more useful for killing so this stupid game is tolerable to look at.  Maybe he can eat Barbie for wearing fur.

I WISH YOU A HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Remember Full House?  Where the two Olsen twins made us smile and cringe by tag-teaming their role as the little Michelle Tanner who cracks silly, cheeky baby jokes to Bob Saget & John Stamos?

Those two little brats are all grown up now and fashion conscious, which means movies and now writing books, curly blond locks, a shitload of eyeliner and donning the finest exotic animal hides.

PETA has a fondness and obsession with fur, as well.  Except their fondness for fur is to hold signs and hide their faces by wearing what appears to be an ugly Kabuki mask, advertising such unfunny slogans as “Hairy Kate and Trashley Olsen”.  Cute, but hardly clever:

Then we are told:

“The Olsen twins support an industry that forces animals to live in tiny wire cages their entire lives and electrocutes and kills them for vanity,” PETA rep Ashley Byrne said.

PETA, I’m very disappointed in you.  No toplessness?  No fake blood?  No guys in chicken costumes?  No video demonstrations of the hide tanning process?  No promotion of fuel-burning synthetic alternatives?  Shell out a few more bucks next time.

Ok, time to take a shower, eat breakfast, and electrocute some small mammals in tiny cages with the Olsen twins.  Happy Friday everyone!