Junk Activism

I’m sure there was some sense of gratification for bonking this guy on the head with a tear gas canister.

To Israel: We aren’t TRYING to send anxious political activists to your lands to protest something irrelevant to them.  They have good intentions, it makes them feel noble and important, just pay your taxes or we’ll still hate you.   It is tourism…of sorts.  Just usually with stinky, dirty backpacking hippies.  And with no money.  And little or no experience in  your culture.

A brief side note before about this guy who deservedly got pelted with a can of gas for sticking his nose in someone else’s pile:   What is a tree-sitter?  They’re the hippies that sit in trees to keep lumberjacks and landscapers from chopping them down,and of course to keep squirrels and birds out.  They sing folk songs and write poems about trees while strumming three chords on acoustic guitars, dangle from cables, and have cool hippie names like “The Tree Whisperer”, “Squirrel”, and “Gaia”.  If you went to a Liberal Arts school like I did, you may know one or three.  They are the literal tree-huggers among us and generally, they’re proud of it.

Clearly our friend hasn’t been to the Land of Political Unrest before.  I’m talking REAL unrest – not the silly, weak, “we’re-victimizing-nature-in-the-wealthiest-safest-place-in-the-world” U.S. and Euro-style protest about trees, animals, and the weather.  I’m talking places where you climb a tree, it’s done to escape, and if you do so you’re probably going to get yanked out for capture & prison.

I don’t condone nor appreciate violence.  Junk Activism isn’t about violent, serious protests.  It’s about being irrelevant or wasting others time with piss-poor arguments.  Violent protests are about playing for keeps.   But it looks like there is a growing demand for Violent Protest Tourism, and what better person to give the best violent protest locations than someone who reads about the world’s protests on a daily basis?

I intend to fill that gap by giving you, my favorite blog reader and Globetrotting Activist, the best locations to see some real action – blood, guts, and hysteria.

Iraq – Even after Obama “Ends the War”, we’re still leaving a hefty 50,000 force out there to keep regulating America’s Middle Eastern Empire.   Running our Military State will no doubt lead to more irrational Middle Eastern politics and tension in the air so thick you can stir it up like pure Iraqi oil.  And if you go, bring lots of shoes and I recommend reading The Definitive Guide to Shoe Throwing Protests.

Israel - Lots of attention around New Years when they raided the Gaza Strip, blowing up schools, hospitals, and letting the civilians know who’s got the bigger military.  It is likely that  this region will remain unstable for a long, long time…..maybe permanently.  Think of it as taking religious extremism, irrational politicians, extreme poverty, and nuclear weapons, putting them in a blender on the “puree” setting, and watching what color it turns.  Unfortunately, it’ll probably be blood red for a long time to come.

Afghanistan – With 17,000 new troops on the way and tension with Pakistan rising, and Obama’s  gross exaggeration about ending wars, you can bet that our increased presence there is going to put more flag-burning carbon into the atmosphere and inspire more suicide bombers.  There will be lots of opportunities to join the mob and witness exploding fundamentalists.

France – These guys are whining about the economy and how shitty it is.  I distinctly remember a Frenchman telling me 6 years ago in typical French-smugness that America would lose its dominance now that Europe has adopted the Euro.  What do you say now France?  Are you happy you snipped the balls of your sovereignty and that the lifeblood of your currency is being dragged down by Eastern Europe?  I’m not sure how protesting solves economic crises, I think you would have a better chance with buying something.  After all, why are you working of there’s nothing to sell?  It may only be a little aggression, but for France I’ll give some credit since they’re actually throwing eggs instead of surrendering.

Tibet – Pretty much any territory that China occupies is discontent, but with all of the “Free Tibet” marketing and attention, how could any protest-loving hippie NOT want to visit Tibet? Especially with random explosives laying around and killer Monks attacking Chinese police.

Thailand – Political unrest abounds here as the King is in increasingly poor health and the rural “Red Shirts” and the more politically traditional “Yellow Shirts” are becoming more divided.  In the past two and a half years, Thailand has ousted its prime minister multiple times, once by blocking the Bangkok Airport from any air travel.  This resulted in stranding the Tourists that are by and large an important piece of its economy.  With less tourism income, growing unemployment, more political division, an ill King, and more military-state law enforcement…. it probably won’t be long before we’ll see some violence in the streets.  And now the “Red Shirts” are about to do it again….this time with cranes to move police roadblocks.

Got any more hot spots?  Feel free to comment.